There are so many times in life where we wonder if we are enough. We want to be accepted and we want to feel successful. We always compare or measure ourselves
to others to see if we are good enough. We look at ourselves in the mirror and may try different diets and exercise to make us feel good.
It seems like all my life I have been trying to be good enough. I was born with a lot of handicaps that I had to overcome. I was in speech classes before I even went to school. I was on a IEP plan in school as early as I can remember. There were a lot of struggles and I remember just trying to keep up with the rest of my peers. My parents accepted that I would have challengers and took care of those issues with all the knowledge and help they could. They wanted the best for me and never expected me to be the best but to just to be good enough.
As much as my parents tried not to pressure me, I put pressure on myself. I had two sisters who were beautiful and smart and had tons of friends. I had to work to make friends (still do). I had to study extremely hard to get at least C’s or B’s in school sometimes having an extra study hall class or tutoring. The beauty part was my Achilles heel. I have nerve damage in my face from a dog bite when I was two that makes my smile off center, I am short and not what I thought was beautiful. I constantly compared myself to others like my sisters. In high school I took it further and developed an eating disorder. I thought if I could just control what was going into my body and be super thin then I could compare.
Comparing can become second nature, something we do without even realizing it. Yet, comparing up (thinking we are lesser than others) or comparing down (thinking we are better than others) is destructive to who we are as women. Comparing ourselves to others discounts the beautiful person with amazing gifts that God created us to be. We cannot live our life to the fullest if we constantly look at how we miss the mark in someone else’s life.
Valorie Burton says it like this, “When you spend too much time comparing yourself to others, you take your eyes off your vision and sow unnecessary seeds of doubt and insecurity.”
Fast forward to now, my running has led to me coping with some of these insecurities and really working on making me feel like I am enough. With every run or workout I feel healthy and blessed that I can run and work on myself. I have overcome a lot in my life and it makes me feel more confident that I can handle anything. In the morning I try to look in the mirror and not look so much at my body but my face staring back at me saying I am enough.
There are times in life still the doubt creeps in and I wonder how I can be better. I want to feel beautiful and that is still a huge hurdle that I have to overcome. I want to feel like I am enough of a wife, a mother, a friend, sister, daughter. I have let some of my insecurities shape me into someone I don’t want to be. I don’t want to doubt myself and the strengths I have.
Running the race of my life is not easy, but I am going to keep going. I am going to keep working hard and making me feel closer to being enough.
That is my goal and I plan to get there!