Todays run was a determined mindset that I was going to get off my lazy butt and work on myself. It had been only a week since my last run, but I was feeling the sluggish laziness that was beginning to set in. I was eating everything in sight and being non-motivated.
I have been eager to get back to my long runs where I can let my mind wander, pray and just let go of the stresses of life. I have run small runs for a month now. Three miles is great to some, but I was yearning for more. As I write that I think how crazy because a year ago 3 miles would have been a big feat for me. Now I call it a small run! I wanted more from myself and wanted to just feel that freedom on the road.
This week I have been by myself with the kids at grandparents for a week and my hubby doing Army training out-of-town. So you would think I would relish in having time on my own, but its been the opposite and I have been so lonely. I was working and then coming home to my dog and cat and no one else. I went about doing the laundry, the dishes and started over thinking everything in my life. My week began to become depression and I had to force myself out of the door to do things. Last night I went to a bible study with new women and it was exactly what I needed.
So at 5:30 this morning I was over it. I fed the animals and started my run and was going to go as far as I could. I worked on my breathing, I prayed and thanked God for my blessings in my life. The first 3 miles I ran straight without stopping. Even when I did stop to walk it was short and sweet because I wanted to keep pushing myself forward. I ran down different streets and then looped back again. In fact I laughed at myself because I was running and thinking it was the second time going down the same street that morning.
On the way down one street I saw a momma duck with her little ducklings and brought back memories of my childhood when I lived on Balboa Island and fed ducks all the time. The memory of my grandparents with us and bringing bags of bread to feed ducks with us. My grandparents are no longer here on earth and they were amazing and I miss them. Seeing these ducks gave me a boost and made me want to run more.
I didn’t want to stop until I got some mileage in. I was running from my neighborhood to the next and trying to keep going. I got a text from my hubby on the way and it made me smile. I felt like I could let everything go and finally feel relieved. It was easy to keep up the pace because after a while you don’t even feel your legs, it’s almost like it’s a machine cranking forward. I was able to do 8 miles today, which is the longest I have run in about a month. I know I need to get more of these long runs in if I ever have a chance to go for a full marathon. I know it can be done as I have proved it to myself when I did my half marathon.
For me now it’s just about getting the mojo back and making a choice to not get into the rut and feeling sorry for myself. Its going to be a battle in my mind but I know how good I feel when I just get out there and run.